i apologize if i'm an ass.

this week is sucking pretty badly. and it's only monday. i'm in no mood to be around humans. i'm afraid i might hurt people. i have a massive headache that won't go away. such a parallel to the past two weeks. one word to describe it. euphoria. it was such a ride while it lasted. i keep asking, "why can't it be a little longer?" sad to say, i've never been happier. which kinda suck. and i hate to admit it but i'm so down. you won't even know.

this week and next will be a killer. presentations. reports. midterms. i believe the last semester will end with a bang. march will be rocking. oh, i can't wait for many things. i keep getting these feelings. jittery ones. about nothing specific. just random gut movements. i can't count on it to be huge things to come. but i'm positive about it.

if i could i would
i'd change everything
cause i can't forget you though you don't believe me
now i can't walk back
i can't leave behind
where does it go all the light that we had?

everything you think you know baby
is wrong
and everything you think you had baby
is gone
thank you garbage for making sense. i love that music can always cure me from any emotion. to not being unhappy anymore.

before i go. i'm making what's my desktop wallpaper a frequent fixture here. today it's.


cheers to a pretty much sucky week ahead!

the irony. i was away when sam came home. so, i had to wait about a week to meet. but when it did, i felt like she never left. don't ask about change. although everything is the same, of course some things are different. i'll take it either ways.

so the JIans (yes jolyn, i call the JI gang, JIans) plan for everyone to meet. which was so much fun. i forgot i was tired from work. though i did slumped on the comfortable yet possibly very dirty couch a couple of times. who plays drinking games with ice lemon tea? we did. who took tons of photos - it felt like britney spears just walked past? we did. who made such a racket in the pub on sat that everyone else just disappears in the background? we did.



you guys rock. you know that right?


at arnold's. our favourite chicken place. like totally! look at us go. and take a look at the chicken. massive, yo!


guess what sam bought us from shanghai?


it might come in handy?



to sam


i wish you bluebirds in the spring
to give your heart a song to sing
and then a kiss, but more than this
i wish you love

when i get to thailand (which i will), i'm going straight to soren.

edit: but wait, teddy just told me he's back in australia. i'm SO there. perth and brisbane, not too far apart right?

edit edit: omg. just googled for map of australia. it's at the opposite sides. man, i'm screwed.

Photo by Lawrence Ripsher
oh the way you smile when you're kicked. priceless.

i hit the road for the 4 days i disappeared. my wish for isolation didn't turn out well. i still received calls and messages. (1) i didn't want to be an asshole and not reply. i'm not like that at all. (2) i care to check my handphone even though i promise i wouldn't. just because mum was missing me and she called. so yeah. there's no way of not caring.

lately, i've been psyching myself pretty badly for into the wild. i totally dig the whole idea of dumping all of 'reality' and leave. i've always told helaine, i want to be a monk and escape to the mountains. i know i've said it since year one of ji. i still want to do that. minus the monk part, thank you.

the major part of me just want to experience life in it's entirety. living a 9 to 5 job is not my idea of life. visiting places, meeting people, feeling and thoroughly enjoying God's creation is my idea of life. soaking in everything without any obligations. no definitive measures. that is what i seek. but honestly, i need money to do all that. unless i'm a dude and i can get free rides from people. man, this chris mccandless is really rubbing off me. reading the book during the trip was kinda surreal cause i half-felt that i was in my own kinda tiny oddysey.

i packed my bags and with my dad, we hopped on a bus and off we went. to a place where nature is THE way of living. the vast rice fields, the crashing waves of the south china sea greets us. i am in my element. well, sort of.


i swear i've conquered half of malaysia. why?

(1) malay families LOVE field trips to our neighbouring country
(2) MY family LOVE field trips to our neighbouring country

i have to admit. i was dreading the trip cause mum's not coming. and my partner for long bus rides to malaysia is always my mother. cause she rocks and i suck at being with anyone else for long. but dad, being dad. dragged me along for the ride. well, thank you so much. cause i've never realised i enjoyed being in malaysia as much till this trip. i think it's the surroundings. it calms me down. and oh, how i need it desperately.

early morning. first up, kelantan. the sun rising. me thinking, "gawd. i'm never awake this early."


my dad getting sotong kering (dry cuttlefish) from some roadside vendors.


the streets littered with cars in a one way lane. shops lined the streets. selling everything and anything. we had authentic kelantan-ish rice and stuff.




the trees at kelantan. the sky. pretty, pretty.


next, terengganu. the air far much clearer. the breeze rather light. it's indescribable. i think i'm in love with this place. like for real. i enjoy being there, it's insane.


as usual, a trip to the batik factory. i'm constantly engaged by art. i'm just depressed i'm not as inclined as i want to be. why god why? why can't i paint like my dad? why can't i draw like my bro? perhaps.




my dad 'teaching' a total stranger how to paint the colour for the batik print. THAT, i can never be. he talks to everyone. the guy next to us. the uncle from the shop. everyone. HOW DOES HE DO IT?!


on our way to the beach resort. houses by the sea. it was shaky cause i was in the bus and i went crazy when i saw the waves.




what it's like being in a bus. with 30 plus others. correction. there were about 40 of us. madness. love. frustration. memories. tales for my storytelling sessions. and so much more.




the view from my hotel room. and the surroundings.




possibly my favourite moment. spending some time with my dad, watching live tennis. russia versus serbia. hantuchova was playing. and we were exchanging comments, tips and whathaveyous. it was nice. over a cup of coffee and tea each. strawberry cheescake and the sea breeze. i'm such a daddy's girl. it's not even funny.


i think i kinda caught the final traces of a sunrise.




i wasn't kidding when i said it was beautiful.


i swear i had a permanent grin plastered on my face while we're at the beach. i half-wish i wasn't afraid of the water. i think i make a pretty mean mermaid.


the waves were kinda scary at the beginning.







in the old times, we malays, wash our feet using this.


now, let me show you how.


bomba = fire engine/brigade in malay.


the view from inside the hotel.



their idea of a bridge. wooden. and pretty much unstable.




very on the road-ish, don't you think?




my dad. my granny. and my aunt laughing.


loads of smelly, dry fish crackers.


salted fish, anyone?


what about cuttlefish?


just like that, i'm back.

and i apologize for the onslaught of photos. i've got some more HERE.