i want to let you folks know that i'm captivated by 2 gay fellas. and i'm proud to say so. hah. my fellow ub-ians won't be surprise since they say i attract them anyways. oh ya, and i'm attracted by them too.

i love rufus. he's the most beautiful guy ever. i love his voice. i love his face. i love him. if it's even possible, i want to be his straight-muse.

now there's dan from real world. i want to TOOT dan. he's freakin hot. i hope he reply my mail. i hope he reads it in the first place. he can help me out with my research paper big time.

so, what's this fascination with gay guys? i'm attracted but that's all to it. don't intend to change them. i think i prefer them the way they are actually. heh.

i want to thank the girls for the chocolate cake. was pleasantly surprise. the whole, 'cindy-tries-hard-to-divert-my-attention-from-sham-and-ayam-giggling' was real funny. i made a wish and hopefully it'll come true. *winks*

anyways, i want to talk about my boy garrett. he's my number one celebrity teen crush. i know there's carmine and whatnot. but bighed smooige is like around my age and he's a boy and he's really cute.

i can't believe i can't have him here in singapore while he's stuck living alone in la. that's so unfair for both of us.

i found out that he's intense but not as much as trent. when he talks, it's like he's concentrated on the words he's going to say next. his eyes wonders before meeting the interviewee's eyes.

he was taught how to dance by his four brothers castmates. the boy can't dance. how adorable.

but he can sing. or so i heard.

here's my bighed smooige!

i asked for the simple things this year.

and what did i get?

LOVE, LOVE and so much LOVE.

thanks to my lovelies for sharing the love. the 'mini' celebrations was fantabulous. i had a blast. your presents damn gerek man. so no worries. i love each and everyone of em. i shall list em down like a little ol' kid.

guo qiang - uncle & auntie keychain
helaine - wizard of oz mug
mariam - cosmetics(?!)
sam - my fair lady vintage vinyl.
wan ru - a bag to store my waterbottle(heh) and 3 books
xia yan - pink postpets handbag

aah.. it's so nice!

the added bonus:
he wished me happy birthday. i'm such a retard.

i want the simple things this year.

i want a copy of waiting for godot by samuel beckett.

i want the magic numbers cd.

i want a pair of purple chuck taylors.

i want to go bargain shopping with that endearing fella.

note: everything else is feasible except the last bit.

a dear friend said this to me when i asked her to describe me.

Dear Aliah,

Thank you for your email.

The second season of CSI: NY will only be available early next year.

Do stay tuned to AXN!

Best,

AXN Asia

[jumps up and down with utter glee]

when everyone laughs, it doesn't necessarily have to be funny.

sometimes you get annoying. sometimes you don't notice you're actually pissing people off. maybe you do it on purpose. maybe not. perhaps its second nature. you know, the whole speaking without thinking shit. i do that alot. sometimes i'm not sure if i offend people. i personally feel that honesty is truly the best policy. mocking people is something i enjoy doing. i'm getting better at it. so, i ain't stopping. all the jabber about me being mean by dissing people off is bullshit. cause everyone else is doing it. i don't believe anyone has not said something or thought badly about someone else. that's pure crap.

i'm not angry.

you know, you have a group of you hanging out merrily in school. you guys have fun but what about the rest? is it just me or are we detached from the community in school? of course we'll have our random acquaintances. the hi's and bye's of the day. the occasional polite talk that i can't seem to muster. dang! somehow, people disengage themselves from me. you either have no clue about me or you know me in an out. i am what you call, an extremist [quote unquote from my other half].

i get all worked up if people assume something about me and i know it's not true but they have no clue. yeah, i'm defensive.

a face is just a canvas. it is the artist's painting that you have to look at. not the surface but the depth. i try not to be judgemental just cause i have this philosophy that i live by; 'don't do something that you don't want others to do to you'. someone who looks sweet, doesn't necessarily means she's all sugar, spice and everything nice. someone quiet is not unfriendly. maybe he's just uninterested. first impressions are always wrong. it's bogus, the shit about telling someone just by the way they look. someone who doesn't dress up doesn't mean he's not fashionable. maybe he's just plain lazy or doesn't want to play dressed up that particular day. who knows?

i miss the ji folks. what we have was.. and still is priceless. i made special connections. people i hope will stay important in my life. being apart is a test. if we can stay together, it means we were meant to be in each other's lives. when i hear a familiar tune, faces form in my mind. although distant, it's image vivid. a certain something reminds me of all the you's. i hope i'm being thought of as often as i think of you guys.

as for the crew from school, i don't know where i'll belong to if not for you guys. i definitely won't fit in the eyeliner girls gang. ain't got eyeliner! the young ones irritated the hell out of me. the poly gang seems too 'posh' for my liking. apart from my taekwando friend though. she's lame. i can't connect with the brainiacs in the front row! hell no. they won't get my jokes. i'm almost certain. we were concocted, blended in together. all of us different, but we stand on a common ground. well, most of the time, that is.

here's garrett. i think he's panas. and i like his hair. alot.


oh ya, he's got an awesome tushie. and i'm not being perverse. i'm being normal.