seriously, the blackout last night was like an exact scene from the movie. i was watching tv while dad was busy exploring his bdae present when it occured. we bought him a tennis bag!

'look. the whole neighbourhood is down!' my bro shouted from the kitchen.

the first thing dad did when everything went pitch black was to creep behind my mum. i heard screams. then laughter. we all scrambled for our handphones. then came the search for candles.

when i went down with dad to get the torchlight, it was so dark. we couldn't see a thing. evil laughter came behind. ass. those stupid kids. scared me half to death. i was so fascinated by the darkness. the amazing thing was, the streets appeared deserted. like there's not a single soul around. exactly like in the movie. when i take a look around it's like i'm all alone in this world. apart from dad standing nearby.

instead of staying put at home, the whole family went driving. the route to nowhere. really. we had no specific destination. we end the day with a trip to the mcdonald's drive-thru. by the time we reached home, the supply was back up.

'hello.. hello..'

she speaks as she pees!

cheaky does that all the time in the loo. i still don't get it. what's the commotion? you're just doing your business what? no need to get all excited just cause you're emitting waste. she's nuts. certified lunatic. but i adore her anyways. that's love.

gwyneth have boobs!

it's true then. what they say.. you're breast will grow after pregnancy. that's what i call authentic breast implants. all natural. i guess there's still hope for everyone.

a day in school.

i can only feel emptiness. as the voices drown my thoughts, i can only wait to get home. where i can crawl into my isolation ward. the only place i feel safe. school stinks. i don't get why people can get all excited over it. cause i normally don't.

soccer is not a fad!

it does not go in and out of fashion. when a tournament like euro 2004 ends, soccer does not end there with it. each time a big tournament like that occurs, all of a sudden everyone loves soccer. enjoy the game. but don't spoil it with your unnecessary rantings. cause your opinion doesn't matter.

i wrote this down a couple of days ago.

i'm afraid of being left alone in this world.
i'm afraid of dying last.
i'm afraid of a life without my loved ones.
i'm afaid of loneliness.

does your heart beat twice the normal rate when the phone rings or your message alarm goes of and you know its him? and when you feel your heart beating, you're terrifed at the prospect of getting giddy over him cause you know it shows you're weak. when you hear his voice or read the words that he types, you can only manage a smile. but deep down inside, you'll be asking, 'when's the next time?'

hate to say I told you so.

i'm so happy right now i can do cartwheels! actually no. but hell. england is out! yes, OUT! i was god damn bloody right. muahaha.. i win. you england supporters lost. come kiss my ass if you want. no. seriously don't. they lost! to portugal?! ..who supposedly have only 25% chances of winning? i don't think so. yay! they're out. my wish came true. now, here's the real deal. england is not fantastic. the defence is good cause of people like cole, campbell and terry. i have to admit that rooney is going to be great. soon.

an actor i adore said this..

love with your whole spirit. heart, body, mind, and soul - all you need for real love. connecting with someone so completely and sharing yourselves with each other is what love is all about. it's all a case of wanting to hold them, wanting to bring them near to you and absorb them so that you both merge into this complete entity. when you're truly in love there's this kind of golden aura that envelops you when you're so happy - and this sounds so trite, but you're just happy to be.

i can't agree with him more!

if anyone ever says this to me, i'll definitely melt..

there are certain people you cherish really, really dearly. you want to rip your chest open and bleed warmth for them. --trent ford

however perverse it may sound..

if i were to write a compilation of short stories, who here would read my work?

if i were to write a novel, who here will bother to turn it's pages?

if i were to write a play and had it performed, who here would go watch it?

i'm in one of those moments where i like to picture things out but doesn't move an inch to make it physically possible. don't get me wrong. i'm not lazy. it's just that i tire easily. i have, what i call, short-term enthusiasm. i need to snap out of it. if i want something to occur, i have to act right? same goes to studies too. it's bloody frustrating when i know in less than a few months time i'll be taking what appears to be one of the most important exams ever. it'll direct me to my future. my very existence depends on it. don't screw up. i know what i'm capable of. i'm just retarded. period.

i think this is a beautiful song. take a moment to read the lyrics.

Do you realize
That you have the most beautiful face?
Do you realize
We're floating in space?
Do you realize
That happiness makes you cry?

Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your good-byes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize?

Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your good-byes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize
That you have the most beautiful face?

Do you realize?

fuck. italy crashed out of the tournament. it's retarded. they deserved to advance.. so bloody pissed right now. it's unfair. not as unfair as world cup 2002 though. but still.. they're out! argh. madness. think i'm going to self-impose a week of seclusion.. to mourn the the italian's lost.. and i'm not kidding. still can't believe they were eliminated. noo.. they played with passion last night! why?! arrivederci azzurri. goodbye azzuri..

but i'm conflicted. cause on the other hand, i'm excited that the swedish are in. denmark too! the underdogs are through to the quarter-finals. see! i know they are a force to be reckon with. the clash between the scandinavians was a thriller. it's the type of game i like to watch. kind of a balance match between both teams. i really want to see sweden making in to the top. if possible. they have to. they're my only hope.

the attack of the mullets have literally come to an end. spain is going home. yes, almost half of the team consist of mullet-heads. anyone noticed? i did. i know.. watch soccer, not the players. can't help it. mullets in this era? seriously, the game with greece was an eye-opener. i went, 'eh mullet!' every few seconds thus annoying my eldest bro who actually thought that the hairstyle is still in. well, hello? it was popular back in the 70's and 80's. not 2004! basically, during the spanish reign in group a, they made use of their hairy assets supposedly as their lethal weapon. it's part of the strategy, you see. flicking it on opponents faces as an act of distraction. sorry guys. it didn't work. you lose and those lucky bastards are in.

i'm amused by the yahoo google rivalry. i remembered having forced to delete my mails in one of my yahoo accounts. apparently it's over the quota. surprise, surprise! now we have 100.0MB per account! guess we're getting the advantages huh?

the fact that nokia lost to samsung tickles me. i don't know. not much of a handphone fan. just see it as a gadget. i'm so used to hearing 'nokia is the best' from my peers. i haven't heard that for a while though.

i'm not really sure where the indonesian presidential competition is heading to. will megawati regain her position? go mega! or will susilo bambang yudhoyono who apparently has more support be the next president? he's capable but.. what about wiranto? is he guilty of those war crime charges? man, when will i know? they keep on singing and dancing. argh! is that suppose to gather support and get votes from the people? go figure.

i spent the whole of last night listening to all of my cds that i haven't touched for a long time. it was a singular experience that i like to have every now and then. music can just transport you into a different dimension.

this quote came from a mail from gq. so, thanks.

everyone hears what you say.
friends listen to what you have to say.
best friends listen to what you don't say.

how freaking true is that? well, only the last bit actually. cause seriously, not everyone listens to what i say. do you know the, 'if i don't know what you're talking about or i refuse to acknowledge what you're telling me so i shall remain dumb' theory? i often find myself talking either to the wall or the air.

aliah speaks. there's no response. only silence greets her in return.

is it me or what? did i just spoke in french? it's hard for me to get through people sometimes. it's either i don't get them so i won't bother or they don't get me. i've always come to the conclusion that, whatever it is.. why bother? i've had enough of proving and explaining. it doesn't make sense. and it's tiring. so whenever i speak and nobody hears, you'll know what i do? forget it. whatever it is, it's not worth repeating.

i guess friends are one of the best people to tell. they'll always listen. that's what friends are for right? a shoulder to cry on. they hear you out, give advice and you say thanks. like a form of medium for you to let it out and have someone listen and tell you that it's ok. it works. but for how long? are they going to be there all the time? do you think anyone can withstand that kind of torture? yes, it's torment. listening to you yap about your worries and whatnot. especially listening to what i have to say. i don't think so.

i always believe that i don't have to tell cause the person will just know it. somehow. though elaboration would be good. and this applies to my best friend. if you're reading this ca.. you're fantabulous! and you know it! haha.. it's like.. i don't have to say 'i love you', 'i care', 'you mean alot to me', 'you're the best' cause it's shown through actions. i believe in unspoken words. but at times, you have to say it. we're humans. we need acknowledgement. one way or another. moreover, it's just this spiritual connection with this person that enables you to remain silent but get your thoughts across. it's amazing.

what is happiness?

an agreeable feeling or condition of the soul arising from good fortune or propitious happening of any kind; the possession of those circumstances or that state of being which is attended enjoyment; the state of being happy; contentment; joyful satisfaction; felicity; blessedness.

i know all of us seek it. one way or another.

i guess i'm experiencing semi-contentment. i'm not exactly in an exhilarated state. neither am i feeling despondent. it's somewhere in between. i can't quite say it's happiness. what is happiness? by my definitions, it could be anything and in any form. it just depends whether my emotions are being evoked. if it's happiness, i'll feel happy right?

we had an hour long of text messaging. i can sms him. yay! he's such a smart ass. i love it! haha.. i have the impression that he's interested.. somehow.. but what? i can never be too sure.. or is it just me? am i driving too much into it? the more i think of it, the more it'll frustrate me. cause i won't know what's in his mind. i hate that. i hate not knowing.. indeed, i'm trying to distance myself from getting in too deep. just have to act cool. see how it goes. go with the flow. i think i should continue doing that. it sorta works. i'm happy with the way things are right now. semi-contented cause i'm enjoying every moment of it but it's irritating cause i can't be too sure. heck.

enfin! j'ai trouve la disposition parfaite pour mon blog. apres des heures de rechercher le droit, j'ai vu cette disposition et suis immediatement tombe amoureux de lui.

translate it into english..

at last! i have found the perfect layout for my blog. after hours of searching for the right one, i saw this layout and instantly fell in love with it.

my stomach made funny noises last night as i was waiting for the sweden and bulgaria match. it sounded a lot like a washing machine.

sweden 5 - bulgaria 0

woo hoo! i got to admit that i'm behind the scandinavian teams. i think it's the fact that their often considered the underdogs and often being underestimated that steers me to give them my worthless support. i'm not there in portugal you see. what's the use of me prancing around my room yelling, sweden! sweden! or denmark! denmark! when it's just for my personal entertainment. so yeah. but i'll still do it anyways.

my italian boys didn't do me proud last night. they can only managed a goalless draw against the danes. they were passionless. what happened mr trappatoni? where was the fiery italians that i once knew? but a draw is always a safe bet.

one word to describe the new jurong lib; ridiculous

it's ridiculously huge. i nearly got lost trying to find my way around. plus, i was alone and without my glasses. always wear your trusty glasses folks. if you're half-blind like me, that is. it's also ridiculously retarded that most of the freaking good books are, 'not for loan'. argh. it's bloody frustrating. get my hopes high only to disappoint me. it's ridiculously condusive for reasearch work. i would love to roll around the floors hugging a book. especially the one that contains everything on oscar wilde. i want that book! sorry. 'not for loan'. it still hasn't impress me yet. considering that the entire section on agatha christie is almost empty. jurong lib has always been the best place to get agatha christie books. but oh no, where have all the agatha christie books gone? but the whole infrastructure blew me away. like the whole concept but it's pretty airy. a whole lot of space not being done to good use. i have a few ideas. maybe i'll write in?

embarked on a movie marathon with my bro yesterday. technically i wasn't really watching as i was typing away on the comp whilst he was watching saving private ryan. besides, it's too gory for me. then we watched 28 days later. naked cillian murphy walking around the hospital greeted us. the movie was alright. not as scary as i assume. i think we'll continue with either resident evil or dog soldiers tonight.

i think the oldies are timeless. the songs never fails to make me warm and fuzzy inside. and i don't even have to be in love to feel for the songs! it's amazing. nowadays, songs are often too 'real' in a way that almost 3/4 of long songs touches on break-ups and depression. that's not love?! well, relationships does encompasses hardships.. but why the over-emphasis on heartaches when there's so many beauty that is left unsaid. eh, that rhymes!

my kitten drinks mountain dew!

i know where to get fantalicious doughnuts!

i finally bought louis eliot's album! i know i'm almost broke so don't ask me how i get the money to buy it. argh! i was so bloody happy when i got hold of the cd. *imagine me dancing around the cd store holding the cd up high* music is definitely my radar. the gramaphone at paragon rocks by the way. once in the bus, had to listen. i swear i was grinning like a fool. no wonder there were people staring. hehe..

the album is annoyingly wonderful. it's almost flawless. well, i can be bias here. heck. it sounds similar to the band's first album but without the melancholy. shucks. i always love that.. true to his word, louis went slightly country. there was even a song titled, 'country life' for goodness sake! but british country is good. the words are more personal now. no more 'she' but instead the usage of 'you' in the songs. get it? well, his voice is as comforting as chocolate melting in my mouth. *sigh* i love you louis!

it's euro 2004 time. thank god it's the hols. i can't put up with people who talked about it but know shit about soccer. so yeah.

relations are a complication. i can never truly understand the complexity of relationships. it's harder to understand when you keep on scrutinising every aspects of it. but as human beings, you can't help but be critical about it. imagine the frustration?

it's odd when you know there's people reading the things you're writing in your blog. the thoughts especially. the fact that people have gain access to whatever that churns in your head scares me. it takes time getting use to. the idea is still relatively foreign to me.

my kitten watches tv! it's the cutest thing ever! seriously. she sits in front of the idiot box and stares at the screen so intently that she seems to be watching the show. every now and then, her ears will flinch. she does it to computers too! she's actually sitting on my lap right now, staring at the screen while i'm typing this down. isn't she adorable? can't deny it. but she's psychotic. a crazy loon. prancing around showing off her ninja kick skills. like i'm supposed to fear her or something. big deal.

just returned from bowling with caca and sandeep. it was fun. today i stink. i had so many gutterballs. what's happening?! i can't really feel my fingers right now. i'm so tired. the trip was fun cause we get to hang out and chat. though there were awkward moments of silence. i'm not sure why. but it was alright.

its amazing how you can connect with someone you rarely see. it's like, distance is never a barrier. you still can depend on the person no matter where he is. it's fantastic. all thanks to modern technology it's now possible to communicate via internet, phone and even text messages. technology is a godsend. though i disagree at times.

the fatigue is starting to sink in. i think i'm going to be sick.

we walked out from a performance. it was opera. couldn't understand the words. there were translations for goodness sake! it was my first time and trust me i didn't feel good about it.

have you ever been in a situation where there's this person who's dressed in a hideous outfit yet everyone around you is going nuts about it commenting how good the person looked and how it was a perfect outfit or shit? come to think of it, i find it highly amusing. it's like, 'am i the only one that disagrees?' so what's the best thing to do; which by the way i'm good at, don't say anything at all.

i think it's me. i realise that clothes doesn't matter. i don't dress up. it's just not in my nature to splurge on clothes. i guess i was brought up that way. without the luxury of having expensive and how should i put this.. cool clothes? i don't really care actually. so what if my size permits all kinds of clothes? i don't see it. maybe if i have the cash, it'll be different huh.

the emphasis in my family has always been food. just look at the size of my brothers. we would rather spend money on food than on any other stuff. it works for me also. i miss those days when the family used to go out late at night to have supper at our fave haunts like adam road, tanglin halt, west coast. those days were super. soon, my second bro is off to serve the country. it's never the same without one member. we're the best when we're together..

jamie oliver has the most adorable way of speaking. i can just stare in amazement at how his lips moves when he speaks. it's the cutest thing.. i'm not even tempted by the food! seriously, if they make a movie about his life, ewan has to play him.




definitely! they even look alike from different angles! man, i'm so easily entertain..

fuck. louis eliot was in singapore for a showcase. and i had no freaking idea! dammit. i hate myself for being godDAMNbloody oblivious. he was here! in singapore! 3rd june 8.30pm amara shopping centre @ union square. argh! mtv was showing ads about the event some more. how can i miss it? shit. i hate this.. i could have been there swaying to the music. to his voice. i love his voice.. to the strumming of his guitar. heck. who cares if he goes country? he's the only singer that can make me tear and feel happy at the same time. i love him.. will i ever get to see you perform louis? now that he's gone solo, rialto has officially gone kapoot. i will never get to see them play live.. ever. thank god louis embarked on a solo career.

here's him..

isn't he lovely?

first up on my shopping list: louis eliot, the long way round

he called.

the june hols started off with a bang for me. sports day was a dream. i'm still giddy from what happened. it was just so surreal for me. think i'm going to pick up the phone and call him instead. see if that works. wish me luck people.

went sentosa with the gang on monday. it was fun but i was half asleep most of the time. weird considering its a trip to the beach. anyway, went for a swim. the water was icky cause when i reached home, my hair feels sticky as though it reeks of oil. siloso beach receives my no-no for that. besides, everyone were in their bikinis and trunks suntanning! what the?! lame right? only few people touched the sea. what is the purpose of the beach? to swim in its waters right? palawan beach is still the best!

i love the bags in jb. in fact, i love bags! i don't care from where. think i finally realise my fetish for bags. its amazing how i can go window shopping not caring about other stuff like clothes and whatnot. instead i'll be staring at bags. i just bought one yesterday! it's so pretty. mum bought it for me. she saw the look in my eyes. the 'i want! i want!' look. haha.. oh ya, and she made use of emotional blackmail. she told me i gotta study hard after paying for it. argh! my room is filled with bags! there's no stopping me though. even after dad pestered me about my bag-buying. it's too tempting..